Brad, will you please shave now?

Way back when the powers that be decided to make Brad Womack the next Bachelor (again) I knew it was a big boo boo. I've never been a fan of Bachelor Brad and it wasn't because he didn't pick anyone the first time. It's because he's a big snooze fest. Plus, I just don't think he's all that.

But as usual, I got sucked into the show again. There were moments I almost liked Brad. Like when he was sitting on the couch talking to his "counselor" about his commitment issues. It's difficult to be the straight man in a comedy routine, but Brad can actually pull off looking semi-serious while talking utter nonsense.

Then there was the final show and he picked Emily (who I like, but let's get real. WHY did she come on The Bachelor to begin with??) I just got a chance to watch the finale and all I can say is that Brad is one big ass. The way he went off on Emily when she questioned whether or not he'd be there for her and her daughter (very legitimate concerns) should have been Emily's first big warning sign. I wanted to yell "Run away, Emily!" but of course, this was already taped months ago so it wouldn't have done any good.

Then there was the After the Rose show, where we learn Brad has a "temper" and Emily can't get over her jealousy of seeing Brad kiss his way through 24 other Bachelorettes.

Is it really so hard to cast this show with a nice looking guy with a rockin' personality who legitimately wants to find love? Or are they an extinct species?

Oh, and by the way. Brad, please shave. The on-purpose-two-day-old five o'clock shadow thing is getting old. It was cool about a gazillion years ago when Don Johnson was sporting it on Miami Vice. But it's just not so sexy anymore. Unless you are Matt Bomer.

To ABC, that's a big fat NO

To the brilliant executive over at Mike Fleiss headquarters who decided to make Brad Womack the next Bachelor? Thank you. You've finally cured me of Sucky-tv-itits (that's the addiction to terrible TV even when you know it's bad but can't help yourself).

Honestly. Are there no better single men in America?

In case you need reminding, Brad Womack is the guy who didn't pick anyone and whose season generated the very classy Deanna. Not.

But that's not why I think he'll make a bad Bachelor. The fact he didn't pick anyone should make him a great pick. Except Brad Womack is about as exciting as Melba toast. I thought Jake the Fake was the worst pick ever. But at least he was watchable (in an awful train wreck kind of way). Brad Womack was a bore fest the fist time, so unless he went to Exciting Bachelor College, I don't see the new season being anything other than a rehash of his last season with lots of emphasis on the huge nail biting theme of "will Brad pick anyone??" He's supposedly been in "counseling" to get over his commitment issues. *heh*

The only thing I can see saving this show is if Brad's twin brother (who made an appearance on his original season) comes in and takes over and fools us all.
I can just see Chris Harrison now, "Something you and the viewers haven't been aware of is that... it's not really Brad you've been dating!"
Now that would be the most dramatic show ever.

Or maybe instead of picking no one, or picking just one girl, Brad will go the polygamist route and actually propose to both girls at the end. We'll just have to see. Or rather, I'll just have to hear/read about it. Cuz I'm not wasting my time on this scuzball.

Bachelor Conspiracy Theory

Call me cynical but if there's a conspiracy theory, I'm in.

It doesn't matter what the theory is about, or whom, or whatever, but like the old saying goes, If there's smoke, there's fire. Unless of course, the conspiracy theory involves me. Then it's wrong.

It's been my painful duty to have to burst the bubble of those I work with and who also watch The Bachelor along with me (but someone has to do it). It's been fun these past years playing Tuesday morning love quarterback and speculating on who's getting a rose, etc. But what's going to happen tonight in the BIGGEST season finale ever is just plain wrong. And, I hope, the demise of the show. Because really, don't most of us dupes tune in to see a romance? And from what I've been reading, there really WAS a romance this season, but the producers decided to hide it from us and instead give us DRAMA. They're finally going to produce on their continual silly promise to give us the most dramatic rose ceremoney evah.

I mean, I know it's reality TV, which means it's not. But regardless of what happens I've always believed that the final person is who the Bachelor/Bachelorette thought was the best of the 25 and whether they ended up engaged or even dating for just a week, or not picking anyone at all (as in Brad's season) that part of the show was at least semi-honest.

Now, according to Reality Steve this season has been one big scam from the beginning. And I really liked Jason, with his pitiful soulful eyes and his "It's all about his son" spiel. And while I have nothing against Molly, if Melissa is really being duped, like I think she is, then I truly feel sorry for her. On the other hand, maybe Melissa has been a part of it all from the beginning. Who knows?

I just know that unfortunately, I'll have to rubberneck tonight's finale episode. I just won't be able to look away.

The Bachelor

Yes, I know, it's mindless, soul-robbing t.v. but I don't care. I still love the show. And this is just too funny so I had to share.