Saturday, November 11, 2006

The day the squirrel ate my hambuger

I've been dissing my own blog.

The reason for that is simple. I've been multi-tagged by both Mel and Lucy to come up with 5 interesting things about myself and I've been avoiding writing that post like the plague. I honestly can't think of 5 really interesting things (not that I can write in a blog, anyway). So, I'll just tell you one not so interesting, but very important thing that happened to me early in life.

When I was four, a squirrel swooped down from a tree and stole my McDonalds hamburger.

It changed my life.

But for this story to make any sense, I have to go back to the beginning:

First of all, you wouldn't know it from looking at me, but I'm a really finicky eater. Ask my friends, I drive them crazy. As a kid, I never ate mayonnaise, mustard or ketchup. Or any sauce or condiment of any kind. It just weirded me out. So whenever we went to McDonalds (which was the greatest treat in my mind at age 4) my mom or dad had to wait in line while they cooked my "plain" hamburger. This always made me feel a little guilty, since the rest of the family had to wait. But, oh well.

The day of the Great Squirrel Incident (yes, that is still how it's referred to by my family), we took our food and went outside to this little picnic area in back of the McDonalds. I took a bite out of my hamburger, and as all 4 year olds tend to do, ran off to play.

My mother warned me. "Don't leave your food unattended!"

But I ignored her.

A couple of minutes later, a large, beasty looking squirrel swooped down onto the picnic table, plunged his razorlike fangs into my McDonalds hamburger and carried it off.

I was mortified.

I cried.

I begged my parents to go into the McDonalds and order me another plain hamburger.

"No. But you can have mine," said my mother, offering me her hamburger, dripping and laden with all sorts of nasty looking condiments.

I sniffed and raised my chin. "No, I'd rather starve," I said. (or something along those lines)


You can tell that I pretty much had the Cuban version of an Ozzie and Harriet sort of upbringing when I tell you that this was one of the most traumatic events of my childhood (along with the whole mammals and breastfeeding thing). But, I learned a lot about myself that day.

1. Sometimes, I'm just too subborn (aka stupid) for my own good.

2. If you don't listen to your mother, something bad will surely happen.

And most importantly, watch out for lurking squirrels. They might look cute, but they're really rats in disguise.


Lucy said...

One down, four to go. ;o)

And sorry about double tagging you...I didn't realize Mel had tagged you too. :o)

Mel Francis said...

Poor Maria. That must've been awful! LOL

Now, I know you have more interesting things in that life of yours, so spill....

Kristen said...

LOL, Maria. Awful but funny.

I've had pretty good luck with the squirrels until the year one stole my new dishtowel and ran up the tree. I've been finding it ever since as the wind blows it out of the trees. Small little chunks of yellow and white dish towel.


Can't wait to see what else you list. :D

Ellen said...

"plunged his razorlike fangs into my McDonalds hamburger and carried it off."

LOLOL! You must be a writer. :)

P.S. I still won't eat mayo -- I totally get it.

erin said...

You, my friend, are the most entertaining person I have ever known! But you forgot lesson #3: You can't trust food from McDonald's. For all we know that squirrel may have saved your life!

Kate Pearce said...

OMG-I just had a flashback to the day when I was 4 and staying at my Uncles house-and when no one was looking his huge alsatian dog got up on the table and ate all our cereal-we were too terrified to say anything...

Meretta said...

These are the events that shape a good writer's life! You might not know it, but it was an excellent thing to have happened to you.

I am a mother to a condiment challenged child, so I can feel your pain, though.


p.s. ROFLOL.

Kristen Painter said...

Razor-like fangs? Um, okay. LOL

Honey said...

Maria, this cracked me up the first time I read it, but I just popped by to see if you'd posted anything new, and I could've sworn the title said, "The day my hamburger ate the squirrel."

Maybe I need a vacation.

MariaGeraci said...

I'd love to see that, Honey!


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