Thursday, November 08, 2007

I'm Not a 9-1-1 Girl

Honestly, I function really well as a nurse.

And I've never shied away from the occasional kid's emergency of broken bones, etc... But there's something about fire that brings out the worst in me.

So last night we had our first real cold weather of the year. 50 degrees is cold in Florida. I was feeling pukey and was laying down on the couch, when I decided that a nice little fire would help soothe my stomach. Mike was still at work, so I yelled for the 16 year-old to emerge from his room and his Guitar Hero to make me a fire. (This consists of bringing in a Duraflame log from the garage) Now, 16 year old is enchanted with anything that produces a spark so he is more than happy to do my bidding.

The chemically treated log immediately set off a beautiful and warm looking little fire. I was content to simply lie on my couch and watch it, until I realized the room was getting smoky.

Crap! The chute (right word?) was closed.

I ran and tried to open the chute. But of course, the chute was friggin hot (as there was this nice little fire blazing) so I couldn't open it. I grabbed for the fireplace instruments, all which proved totally useless in helping me get this chute open. The 16 year old was trying his hardest to open the chute, and my oldest was tossing Morton's salt onto the flames in hopes of extinguishing it.

"Call your dad!" I yell pathetically. "He'll know what to do!"

Mike Geraci's advice consisted of this, "Maria, calm down and open the chute."

Yeah. Easier said than done. Now the fire alarms are going off. Lot of help you were, Mike Geraci.

But it's good to know those fire alarms work.

At my wit's end, I grabbed a large pot from the kitchen, filled it with water and tossed it into the fireplace. Yes! Half the fire extinguished. One more potful of water and my fire was out. Of course, now my living room was filled with smoke and my fireplace was a mess, but I didn't have to call 9-1-1 because my living room was on fire.

The funny (or not so funny) thing about this is that this exact same thing happened to my parents last year.

They really ought to put warning labels on fireplaces for us Floridians.


Gina Black said...

Hah hah!

This Californian has one of those push-button fireplaces. The traditionalist in me thinks it's an abomination. Fortunately, the me who bought our home thinks it's absolutely GREAT!

The Girl You Used to Know said...

I'm still laughing at the fact that you wanted to build a fire for 50 degree weather. LOL

I know, I know. I'll shut up now.

Maria Geraci said...

Ahem... for your information, 50 degrees is very cold. Besides, that was only an estimate on my part. It could have even been in the forties(!)

Unknown said...

Maria, Maria, Maria, what's a little fire damage when you could've had a whole truckload of FIREFIGHTERS in your house?
Where are your priorities, woman?

The Girl You Used to Know said...

and just think of the scene Naughty Kate could've written about all those firemen.

I bet she could think of lots of things to do with all that man-titty and all that fire equipment.

You wouldn't have been cold anymore...I guarantee that.

Maria Geraci said...

Damn. You're right. Of course. I didn't think of the hot firefighters. Maybe I could start another little blaze tonight...

Lucy said...

I love a good fire in the fireplace. Unfortunately, a few years ago I had a fire in the fireplace that caused the "wall" thing to collapse and I haven't been able to find anyone to fix it so I haven't had a fire in years...and I miss that. And I'm with you, 50 is cold.

Louisa Edwards said...

You are too cute. I love it!


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